“Some people have all the luck,” my friend recently told me.  “I always choose the wrong men.”  She went on to explain her latest relationship fiasco and how her partner got defensive, “as he always does,” and broke up with her.   Her immediate response was to blame him for not being good at relationships, for not caring enough and for not appreciating everything she did for him.

The part that my friend left out of the equation was the subtle and not so subtle ways that she pushed her partner away and stopped him from feeling safe in her presence.  She forgets to mention the numerous times she unfairly criticized him, told him what she thought he should or should not do, and refused to listen to his perspective on a problem. Continue reading →