14 thoughts on “Are You Sexually Secure?”

1. II love the insight you give about relationships and communication. I learn something each time I visit. I didn’t communicate my wants to my first husband like I do with my second. I just knew I didn’t want to be in the same place. Get it right or be alone. Thanks Erica

   • Hi Lydia,
     I’m glad you realized the importance of expressing your feelings, not just to improve your marital relationship but also for your own health and well being. So many illnesses have their origins in unexpressed emotions that create internal turmoil and lower the immune system.

     Warmly,
     Erica

2. Hello Dr. Erica , Somewhere along the way between my first and second marriage I learned that I would not find myself in an emotionally healthy and sexual relationship if I wasn’t honest with myself about what I wanted and didn’t want in a relationship and be willing to convey that to another person.
   I set good boundaries for myself and with my husband when we dated and this has been the foundation of a really great partnership. Thanks for your post.

3. Hi Erica,

   Interesting post about the heavy emphasis put upon human sexuality.

   I’m no expert, but creating a compatible sexual relationship with someone you admire, like and want to nurture, is second only to living a life true to yourself.

   I doubt if I’ll fully complete either. Yet, it’s comforting that setbacks are learning experiences and not failures.

   As other commentators have noted, we’re ill-suited to sustain any relationship, whatever the flavor, until we know, like and accept ourselves.

   Personally, I’ve been faithful to the same woman for 4 decades – without regret – yet, we’re not always in sync sexually, spiritually, socially and never politically!

   Love your blog,
   Edward

4. Hi, Erica, like always an excellent post about a difficult subject for many.
   It is true sex is everywhere and we see a lot of images which give
   a false impression about what a relationship really is . It awakes
   expectations who can not be fulfilled and lead often into an emotional
   disaster which is not easy to heal . It really needs help ,good to get it
   before making decisions ,but necessary if it happened to somebody.
   To have a good and caring coach, in this case, is important .
   I would really recommend you to anybody with relationship problems
   because I know you long enough ,I did read your articles and books and
   you really can help .
   Thank you
   Erika

   • Erika,
     I just saw your comment today. Sorry for the long delay.
     Yes, there are many people who are struggling with unrealistic expectations
     about sexuality and this causes a lot of stress for married couples, especially
     when they also have little children.

     Warmly,
     Erica

5. Hi Erica,

   You really do understand the sexual being within us all. Indeed, it is complicated but we all must get in touch with it. We have to first know ourselves in order to choose a good intimate partner. It took me a very long time to find that one out.

   But we, as humans are always growing and changing so we do have to be aware of that also and give ourselves a “check up” so we are not in a rut.

   Thanks so much.

   -Donna

   • Donna,

     You always respond with such wisdom from a life well lived. What so many individuals and couple fail to do is the piece about introspection. It is so much easier to ignore those nagging feelings we get over time. It is also so much easier to blame the other person. When we take the time and do the inner work, we discover it is always about us and our changing inner landscape.

     Warmly,

     Dr. Erica

6. Hi Erica, Great post. I’m not sure how much to reveal but my first marriage was as you described, after the initial lustful phase was over, it was disappointment, frustration and eventually separation and divorce.

   My second husband and this baffles me that he was so attentive, loving and open, considering his unhappy childhood and he showed me how different the two worlds can be. With him, there was no longer any shyness, self-consciousness or doubts of any kind. Right from the beginning, we talked and let each other know what we wanted and it never stopped until a month before his death. I am such a lucky woman to have those times and remember them and if I ever consider another relationship, I will never settle for less.

   • Monna,

     Maybe your 2nd husband needed time to overcome his childhood hurts. His time in the service may have helped him to realize what matters most to him. And then when he met you, he was older, and was able to appreciate you as you are. That was a very special and wonderful relationship. Glad you realize that and feel such fond memories of what it is like to be really loved in a loving relationship.

     Warmly,

     Erica

7. Hi Dr. Erica,
   Love visiting your blog. I think that everything is connected the relationship, the passion, the needs and understanding your partner.
   Thank you for sharing!

   • Emi,
     Yes, everything is related. We often forget that and think we can do one thing one way and it won’t affect the rest of our life or anyone else. Not true. We have to think carefully about what we say and what we do, and even what we think along the way.
     Warmly,
     Dr. Erica

8. Erica,
   This is a fabulous web site. Very intuitively appealing, great colors, easy to read, interesting, enticing.
   Linsey

   • Linsey,

     Thank you so much for your supportive comments.

     Warmly,

     Erica

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