Which Is Right For You?
Do you have an emotional, relationship or other life problem
that just won’t go away?
Have you attempted to handle it by yourself
yet it keeps reappearing?
A qualified psychotherapist, licensed, and experienced, regardless of their identified specialty, has probably dealt with love relationship and marriage problems, sexual concerns, overcoming addictions, and various life problems, emotional and psychological issues.
CONTACT ME
I have had over 3 decades of experience working with men and women, just like you, wanting to handle an important issue in their life. Many reach out when they are feeling lost and confused. Others only seek my help after their partner insists upon it. Some couples make a joint decision to do something to keep their relationship happy and long-lasting.
The question you might want to ask is:
“How do I know what type of therapy and which specific therapist will help me to resolve and overcome my most pressing problems and concerns?”
Begin by making your own basic assessment of your main problem. Then spend some time to figure out the probable causes and the many contributing factors. Below are several examples of issues you may be facing.
If you are single in your early 20’s, single in your late 30’s, 40’s or 50’s, or single at any age after a breakup, death or divorce, ask yourself some of these questions:
- What type of relationship do I want – dating with no commitment, serious relationship leading to marriage, someone to help me feel less lonely, someone to satisfy my sex drive, etc.?
- What are the non-negotiable traits or characteristics the other person needs to be have or be in order for me to give and receive my love freely?
- What special, unique and valuable traits and characteristics do I possess that will create attraction and interest in me by the type of person I want?
- What personality factors, life skills, career goals do I need to change, improve upon or tweak in order to meet and create a meaninful relationship with my desired partner?
If you or your partner is currently having a sexual dysfunction (lack of desire, arousal problems, orgasmic difficulties), ask yourself these basic questions:
- Has the problem started recently because of some current stressor or changing circumstances – or – has this problem always been part of my relationship but is suddenly more apparent, more urgent, and more upsetting?
- Is there anything my partner or I can do differently that might improve or even resolve the problem?
- Am I avoiding potential partners because I am afraid they will find out about this problem?
Perhaps sexual issues are not the most pressing problem in your relationships or your life. Maybe the sexual aspect seems to be working just fine for you, yet you or your partner did not grow up having good role models for how to create a satisfying relationship. You might want to ask yourself these questions:
- Am I sociable and do I find it relative easy to connect with potential partners?
- Are my partner and I happy together most of the time?
- Do we both add stability, pleasure, activity, intellectual stimulation, and emotional security to each other’s daily lives?
- Do we boost or lower each other’s self-esteem and sense of well being?
Maybe you enjoy positive sexual relationships as a single person or your sexual relationship with an intimate partner is fine for you and your communication with your partner is also okay. But perhaps you keep feeling that something is missing, something isn’t right or you’re just not feeling as if you are in love. For you, the questions to ask yourself might be:
- Am I being unreasonable in my expectations of myself or others?
- Have I chosen to be with this person because I feel intense desire and passion or because he or she provides security and comfort for me?
- Do I want to be in a steady, ongoing, and committed relationship or would I really prefer to be free and single and not tied down to anyone?
- Am I being unreasonable or have I settled for less than my heart’s desire?
Perhaps your problem is not really about sexuality, love relationships, or even communication with your partner.
What if your relationship and life problems are caused by a chemical imbalance, chemical addiction, bouts of depression, anxiety, rage, insecurity, panic, fluctuating moods and erratic behaviors. Ask yourself these questions:
- Are my behaviors bringing me close or creating distance between myself and those I say I love?
- Are my attitudes and behaviors helping me to create what I truly desire in my life or is my own behavior causing me to sabotage my potential for attaining my dreams?
If you have been betrayed or abused or lied to by your spouse, live-in partner, or someone you have dated, ask yourself these questions:
- When did I first realize there was a problem?
- Did I notice any red flags and overlook them?
- Was I ignoring warnings from others about this person?
- What did I feel in my body while with this person?
- Was abuse or betrayal familiar to me from my family or other relationships?
Once you have clarified for yourself what you believe your real concern is, then your next step is to do some research into the problem. Go online and find out what the experts (sex therapists, marriage counselors, other psychotherapists, medical doctors, authors and researchers) are saying about your specific problem. Read about what non-professionals are also saying about this problem.
Now choose a few web sites that explain how a psychiatrist, psychologist, mental health counselor, sex therapist, marriage counselor, coach or a general psychotherapist might work with someone who has your type of concern. Discover what types of techniques they might utilize (e.g., Cognitive Behavioral approach, Gestalt Therapy, Hypnosis, EMDR, Imago Therapy, Somatic Body Psychotherapy).
Finally, you are ready to focus on locating a specific type of therapist, preferably one who has taken specialized training, has written peer reviewed articles, book chapters or successful books on the subject. Don’t just jump at the first few web sites that appear in one of the many therapy directories or on a Google or Yahoo search for that problem area keyword (e.g., marriage counseling, sex therapy, couples counseling).
Take a careful look at those first few sites but then locate the directories of the major certifying boards in that discipline. For example:
- For a sexual problem check out AASECT (American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists), ABS (American Board of Sexology), or SSTAR (Society for Sex Therapy and Research)
- For a relationship or marriage problem, check out AAMFT (American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy).
- For psychotherapists, both PsychologyToday.com and GoodTherapy.org actually verify the credentials of those listed on their sites. There are a host of other directories that offer you the opportunity to evaluate and compare the credentials, background, training, experience, affiliations, fees, and style of therapy that might suit your specific needs.
REMEMBER
In the end it is not about the credentials, the methodology or the years of experience. It is not about the training and experience of the therapist. What will enable you to heal from your current concerns and create the life you truly desire is choosing a therapist who brings out the best in you, provides support and empathy, understanding and caring, and clarity for you. You need to choose a therapist who seems to “get you”, who understands you, and who provides the space for you to share your deepest, darkest fears as you release them and create a new, enhanced and happier you.
Now you are ready to contact a few potential therapists. Notice how quickly the individual therapist responds and whether the therapist or an assistant actually contacts you. Observe whether the therapist has taken adequate time to answer your questions and concerns. Yes, finding the right therapist for your particular problem and situation can feel like a daunting task. And this task is even more difficult because you are probably at your lowest emotional state – or you would not even consider seeking therapy.
If searching for the appropriate therapist feels too difficult for you to handle because in your current emotional state you need to talk to someone very soon, then ask someone else to help you or to actually do the research for you. There are many, many qualified therapists out there, but finding the one who can really help you with your specific problem can make all the difference.
What about choosing a coach
instead of a psychotherapist?
If you are struggling with deep-seated emotional issues, baggage from a lifetime of unsatisfying career and relationship choices, and you desire to re-evaluate your past, look into the underlying subconscious issues, then psychotherapy is probably best for you.
However, if you have already spent years in counseling, if you have worked on your personal issues by yourself or in relationships, then a coach may be able to get your over a personal hump, a personal limitation that has always held you back.
Psychotherapists have years of training and education, licensing and ongoing continuing education requirements to maintain their skill level. Coaches, on the other hand, do not have the many restrictions nor the legal hazards that therapists face from licensing boards. Therefore, when it comes to choosing a coach, let the buyer beware. Really do your homework to know if this coach is offering a true solution or is this a skilled salesperson whose high fees help them to appear more valuable.
Not all therapists are the same and not all coaches are the same. It is up to you to seek the type of help you need. Help is available. Ask your friends or colleagues for referrals. Do your own due diligence and then jump into the sessions with your heart and mind wide open for change and new possibilities for growth, healing and love.
What are you waiting for? You don’t have to do it all alone. You can solve your problems and improve your state of mind and your life with the right therapeutic help right now.
CONTACT ME
I have had over 3 decades of experience working with men and women, just like you, wanting to handle an important issue in their life. Many reach out when they are feeling lost and confused. Others only seek my help after their partner insists upon it. Some couples make a joint decision to do something to keep their relationship happy and long-lasting.
Warmly,
Dr. Erica
Healing Through Love Mentor and Relationship Healer
Where There Is Love There IS A Way
Dr. Erica Goodstone
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