What is the color of love?
Do you know the color personality preference styles of the people you spend most time with, care most about, or with whom you are attempting to create an intimate connection?
If you approach all people with the same words and attitudes and behaviors, you will be surprised and often hurt by the responses you get. The same loving behaviors that lead one person to be willing to follow you to the ends of the earth may absolutely repel another person.
Colors of Love
True, there may be some people with an emotional, physical, psychological or spiritual problem that is just not available for intimate connection. But there are many other people that will respond when treated in a certain way that matches their needs, desires and preferences. The solution has something to do with colors.
Based on the Herrmann Brain Dominance Model (a comprehensive model to understand how people think, believe and behave), Bill Stierle recently provided a powerful training in South Florida that forever changed the participants’ perspectives about how to succeed in relationships. Using a simple set of checklist items, each of us was able to determine what our predominant personality style is like – our needs, preferences, basic learning style, frustrations and annoyances, what we appreciate, and the way we want to be treated. And then we selected our second and third styles. The remaining 4th style, for most of us, was the aspect we tend to avoid and are not very skilled at being and doing.
Why Do We Choose Partners With Opposite Color Styles?
In our most intimate partner choices, we often tend to select someone whose 1st or 2nd personality style is just the one that is 4th on our list. At first, this seems like a match made in heaven. The other person easily fulfills certain tasks that may be problematic for us. For example, I may be a creative, free thinking person with lots of ideas and different interests. My partner, on the other hand, may be very good at calculating risks, tracking finances and keeping to a productive schedule. Although this may work for awhile, very often the creative, free thinking person begins to feel stifled while the methodical, organized person feels frustrated and angry. Each of us may start blaming the other for not acknowledging us, not understanding us, or for actually sabatoging the relationship.
If you want to create positive interactions and solid communication that brings out the best in the other person, it is important for you to know and understand that person’s unique personality style. It is also essential for you to understand your own way of interacting in the world. When you understand the similarities and differences between you and anyone you are involved with, you can much more easily put the other person at ease and open the way for both to feel acknowledged, appreciated and connected. Once you learn this simple yet profound key to different personality types, you will wonder how you ever got along without knowing this. You will never look at other people quite the same way again.
Do You Recognize Yourself and Other People You Know?
- Which color describes you best?
- Which color describes your partner, your business associate, your family member or your best friend?
It begins by discovering what is the first and most important question you ask in most situations? Then, decide what is the second question you ask and then the third. Finally, notice which is the last question you tend to focus on in most situations.
BLUE
- Asks: “What?”
- Analyzer: Analyzes facts, uses logic, rational approach
- Frustrated by: Excessive chatter, illogical content, too much flexibility, unable to challenge
- Wants: Precise facts
- Reacts: Unemotionally
- Appreciates: Good debate, good analysis, wise use of time
GREEN
- Asks: “How?”
- Organizer: Acquires skills through practice, evaluates and tests theories, likes structured sequences
- Frustrated by: Unstructured and unpredictable events, out of control atmosphere, incomplete sentences
- Wants: Neatness and punctuality
- Reacts: Cautiously
- Appreciates: Very low risk, scheduled appointment
RED
- Asks: “Who?”
- Personalizer: Listens and shares ideas, emotional, feeling, experiential
- Frustrated by: Impersonal approach, lack of eye contact, no sensory input, no team or shared experience
- Wants: To feel enthusiastic
- Reacts: Spontaneously
- Appreciates: Sensitivity to feelings and harmonious approach
YELLOW
- Asks: “Why?”
- Visualizer: Takes initiative, explores hidden possibilities, constructs and synthesizes content
- Frustrated by: Overly structured and predictable, no overview, no connection to other approaches
- Wants: Freedom to explore, long-term objectives, metaphors, idea chunks, conceptual framework
- Reacts: By thinking about it
- Appreciates: newness, fun, minimal details, initiative, and imagination
Based upon this limited information, some of you will immediately recognize yourself and the people who are close to you (your spouse, parents, children, friends, co-workers). But the key to using this system is to know the different types so well that you can meet a total stranger and understand that person’s needs, desires and how to best communicate with him or her to achieve the best outcome for both.
Spend some time reviewing this by yourself and with someone who knows you well. If you understand your own automatic response style and you know what another person wants, appreciates and feels frustrated by, you can begin to create magical relationship moments with ease.
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Here’s to living your life in love.
Warmly,
Dr. Erica Goodstone
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My ex husband was most definitely a blue and seemed bluer as the years went on. We did complement each other well for years but I either turned more yellow or just began to recognize the differences more when the children were older and did not take up so much of my time. 24 years on the contrast seemed to great.
Sue,
I believe that relationships are the perfect place for us to learn about our selves. At first, we tend to choose someone who complements us and who handles the emotions and tasks that we have difficulty with. As we spend time together, each of us learns from the other and can gradually develop some of those skills on our own. Over time, when the differences are great and we have learned what we needed to learn, we may not need the other person to handle our emotions. Gradually, we are becoming more complete within our own self and want to be with a partner who allows our completeness to shine.
Warmly,
Dr. Erica
It is an interesting take on colour… what you may not know about me was that I was the president of the international association of colour for a while some years ago…so know a thing or two about colour… 😉
Sarupa,
There are many ways to view the meanings of colors. The chakras are associated with specific colors and different systems label personality types according to colors instead of other types of terminology.
Would love to hear more about your understanding of colors.
Warmly,
Dr. Erica
Hi Dr. Erica,
isn’t it facinating how many different personalities there are and different ways of telling them. Your way of interpreting the colors is interesting.
I came across a similar one a few years ago in which the yellows where the compassionate, the reds straight to the point the blues the social butterflies and the greens the figures and facts. (the very condensensed version)
Thank you so much for sharing your knowlegde!
Love and Light
Yorinda
Yorinda,
In this system, the reds are not so straightforward and the blues are not the social butterflies. It Is interesting how the ways of describing different personality types can be different in different sytems. But the bottom line is that there really are different types, different ways that we tend to process information and learn most easily.
Warmly,
Dr. Erica
Yorinda,
It is not so important to memorize the specific color types in this system or any other. What is important is to realize that others may not process events, emotions and actions in the same way that we do. Communication requires asking and paying attention and finding out how we can meet in the middle and truly share from the heart.
Warmly,
Dr. Erica
I love studying different personalities. It’s one of my favorite things :). It’s so essential for interacting with others – – I totally agree with you! I like how these colors are laid out . . . simple and clear . . . and the categories make it easy to identify a dominant type.
Leanne,
The colors make it easy to define a predominant personality style without having to be wordy. It is fun to talk with a friend or partner and discuss each one’s predominant personality preferences. It brings about such a deep understanding and easier communication.
Warmly,
Dr. Erica
I found that very interesting, Dr Erica. Your description of the different types certainly helps when recognizing how people feel. What is most interesting to me, though, is that I have found that people tend to change from time to time, depending on how they are feeling. Most of us, I believe, have some traits of each of these personalities, but tend to home in to one of them, especially under stress.
Does that agree with your experience, or am I just confused?
Alan
Alan,
True, most of us do have some of the other personality types within us and may act more one way than another in different circumstances. But it is really deciding which one is our first preference, most often, then which is our second and then our third choice. Usually the 4 th choice is something we often avoid focusing on. And then we tend to choose partners with those predominant traits.
Warmly,
Dr. Erica
This is very interesting Dr Erica, It reminds me of the 4 temperaments! I have always found it difficult to find which temperament I am and reading this, i think I am more of blue although I can see some other colors.. 🙂 Thanks for the reminder!
Ade,
We are all a combination of the different colors of personality style, but for most of us only 1 or 2 are dominant. For some people, there is a balance among all 4 qualities.
Warmly,
Dr. Erica
Dr. Erica,
wow, this is a whole program you got here..
I was aware of all what you wrote BUT not as you wrote it, I knew by experiences that come along here and there along life an dyes with all kinds of relationships…
I see my self an all colorful person… as soon as I read the first color (blue) I say to my self, that is who I am.. then I continue reading all the other 3 colors and found myself there as well… so at the end I was confused.
Then I went back to read again to figure out if I missed anything, and again I seen my self in all of them, so I surrender, either I do not know my self, or I did not understand what it is written or I need to take the workshop my self haha 🙂
Very Interesting article Dr. Erica, your deep studies into this topic sure shows in all your articles.
Thanks so much for sharing.
_nickc
Nick,
Actually, if you could not choose one personality type that seems to fit you best and you kept feeling that you were like each of the types, then you are one of the small number of people that are balanced in all areas. That type of person functions well as a CEO of a company. I was told that also taxi drivers tend to have that similar balance.
Warmly,
Dr. Erica
I am deffinately a yellow, love yellow… love when I mix with red, I can get a very light orange, almost a peach color.. very sothing … My husbands is blue, I am the bird that flys as often as possible. He’s the bird that flys only when he needs to… LOL. Interesting post ….
Lesly,
My first selection was Red and then Yellow. So we are a good combination. My husband is also blue. Interesting how we tend to choose an opposite personality type as a life partner.
Warmly,
Dr. Erica
Erica, nice post interesting how we perceive colours. Thank you for sharing.
Hi,
It’s not really about the colors. It’s about our own needs, personality style and personal perceptions that color the way we react and respond to others.
Warmly,
Dr. Erica
Awesome article Dr. Erica, I did not even know about the color of love
until now… So much value packed in one article… My wife will be sending
you A Xmas card this year for sure.
Greg,
You wife is lucky to have a man who cares how she thinks and feels. The more you understand about her needs and desires, the better your communication will be and the more loving ease you will feel together.
Warmly,
Dr. Erica
Hi Dr.Erica,
What a post! Good content, an interesting and appealing title, lists and 4 (!) calls to action at the end. I usually use 1-2 calls to action. It seems you think differently.
Color of love? Nice metaphor. I like to think freely and have a lot of ideas and different interests. My wife is very good at calculating risks and keeping a productive schedule. This has been working for more than 16 years. No boring. Each of us have what the other one wants.
Psychology of colors is a very, very interesting domain. I always search for more information in this field.
Thank you for the post
Have a wonderful day
Silviu,
You are right about it begin better to have only 1 or 2 calls to action. However, for me, each of the items is different. One person may like to listen to how they can create love, another may prefer reading a book, another may want a course, and another may want to speak directly to me for a consultation. So I guess I am catering to the 4 different personality types.
Warmly,
Dr. Erica
great article Dr. Erica! Shows how everyone is different and needs love differently than we do. You are so insightful!
Shelley,
Thanks for stopping by to comment. Understanding the 4 basic personality types as well as the top 3 preferences that each of us has, can make a huge difference in the way we relate to the people we meet and know.
Warmly,
Dr. Erica